I want to be like Moses.

i'm making plans to waste my life on you.
i'm making plans to waste my life on you.
'cause new york city and hollywood combined
they don't got enough lights to make me change
my mind about you.
- John Mark McMillan

I was reading one of A.W. Tozer's short books last night, and in the middle of it, I was hit with two pages that he wrote. In those two pages, Tozer looked at great men of the faith and the commonalities (or lack thereof) between them. In this short glance, it was clear that almost each of them were as different as any person you may run into on the street. Tozer then asks the questions: what made them, then, great men of God?

The answer is that each one of these hungered and thirsted for the presence of the Lord, and they did something about it. Each one was open to recieving the Lord in His fullness, and they wanted only more of Christ, all of Him. Each one lived with the manifestation of the Almighty God in their lives to the fullest. Moses sought the presence of the Lord and he found it, to the point that his skin was physically changed by the presence of the Almighty. He was so close to the Lord that his very being was altered.

So often we stand outside of the holiest of holies, refusing to enter out of laziness, fear, or other things. How many of us take God at His offer of drawing near to Him, and He will draw near to us? What would that truly look like? Do we stop when we begin to change? Do we not press on into Him?

I will press on into the Lord. D.L. Moody once wrote "The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man." I'm going to try too.

i'm back

After a one day adventure to the coast--followed by a three day adventure to Florence and Rome after three days of work--i am back at work. the time off was really well spent and was super encouraging; i saw people living out their faith with a boldness and a wisdom that really refreshed me and challenged me to do it better. i got back on sunday night--exhausted--and started work on monday morning. as far as work goes, i am really getting into the heat of it, and i love what i am doing as i am helping to reorganize and restructure three small businesses. the work is great, the people are encouraging, and a lot is getting accomplished. the break allowed for some time to refocus and to be re-encouraged. i loved it.

i learned a lot through this past week, and one of the bigger areas centered around direction for my life. in this past month i have not touched a musical instrument more than once, and i have felt the space missing in my life from not having personal time in music and musical worship. along with this, i have realized that while i love what i am doing here, i am much more motivated in a lifestyle that is more cyclical, with times of preparation, times of prayer and intercession, times of setting up, and times of doing, seeing the fruits of my labor. taking a few steps back and looking at these lessons, i have quickly realized that this is a lifestyle more conducive with a music ministry or event planning of some sort. i don't know how this will all work together, but i am trusting God that He has revealed this to me and i can trust Him to provide. it's an amazing life, one of uncertainty in one's own vision and complete assurance in God's plan. whatever God is doing, i know it will be the best way.

i'm learning to live here in Italy and to live for Christ. the other day i went into a pizzeria which is located on my way home. the shop is run by a lady named Anna, who i had a chance to meet a few weeks ago with another friend when we stopped by. Anna recieved a calendar each year when Arthur still went on his rounds around Italy (i continually am amazed at the scope of his ministry). her husband is a cruel man and i think still beats her, even after thirty years of marriage. she was prohibited from going to church by him as long as the ministry here has been in contact with her. in spite of all this, God uses her and has provided for her every need: she's kind of like a second mom to a lot of the young guys who stop in to her shop for some of the best pizza in the city, many of the guys greeting her by her first name as she greets them by name every time. there's a joy and a grace in her presence that come from a life of prayer and relying on the Lord's strength, and it's obvious that even her husband can't touch her now.

i'm thinking about a verse, i think it's in Isaiah, where the WORD says "those who make the Lord their refuge are like tries planted along a river bank; even in the dryest times they produce fruit." i can't think of a dryer and more adverse time than this woman has experienced, as for years she has relied on the Lord to be her refuge and in this she has remained strong. the fruit of her ministry is clear in the love she shows all who come into her store. Christ is her strength.

i want to rely on that same strength more and more. the last two days i have read in 1 Corinthians 10 and James 2 and i've been really encouraged to stand firm and resist temptation. it's so easy to get discouraged when you feel you are alone or isolated, but God is giving me the strength and the power to stand firm in Him. we wait patiently for the Lord's salvation and deliverence, not so that we are healed for just this moment, but so that we are eternally restored and delivered in Jesus Christ. it's in eternal tranformation that we can begin to walk in the high calling God has placed on our lives; it's here that we walk in the ministry He created us for. i guess that's where i'm at, seeking the Lord and asking for the truest and purest freedom, to walk in His strength, power, freedom, and Spirit, and be in a position to here His voice and be a "doer of the WORD." laying down my burdens, taking on this cross, and following Him: that's where victory begins. i want to walk in its entirety, in knowing Christ in His fullness. by His grace, He's showing me how.

brian

break week

This week is turning out to be sort of a break for me. i've worked for three days this week, but tomorrow i am headed to Florence and then on to Rome for some sightseeing. Pray that things go well, that the break would be restful and used well, and that stuff wouldn't get misplaced or stolen during traveling. It's good to be in the arms of God.

Christian or American?

Yesterday i had the awesome opportunity to head to Cincue Terre, or the five lands, probably the most beautiful place i've ever been. It was a great day to spend with a Christian fellowship group from England as they are spending the week touring Italy. The encouragement i recieved from this group was amazing, as i didn't know before we went that they were Christians. It was only after the day was most of the way finished that i realized that each one had a passionate and very authentic faith with Jesus Christ, and that was what had brought them together. So good.

Anyway, as we headed home on a two hour train ride, i had the chance to meet an Italian lady on her way to Parma, where we were also headed before Modena. We started talking and she seemed very sociable; however, at some point in time she found out i was an American. There began an hour-long and generally incoreherent rant about George Bush, the Iraq war and how it was fought in an attempt by American to establish a new imperialism (and to secure petrolium rites) and how GB senior was good friends with Osama bin Laden--that one i actually laughed at, something i probably shouldn't have done as it made her pretty angry. What does a Christian do in a situation like that? How does one choose between representing your country and representing Christ?

That was the question i was faced with yesterday, and i am still trying to find a sufficent answer. What i do know is that we are citizens of heaven, first and foremost, and our representation must first and foremost be of that. It is easy to let emotions run wild and political sentiments dictate responses. But is that why i am here? Have i not been called to a higher purpose?

In the end, i saw it was hopeless to try to reason with this lady, as she was unwilling to even to listen to an explanation. Instead, i listened to what she had to say, waited until she was done, and then politely excused myself from conversation with her. i don't know; i hope that's what Christ would've done.

Europe is an area so hot right now politically, socially, and spiritually. Each day holds new opportunities, but almost every one of them require a denial of self, even the closest of personal ideals. Dietrich Bonhoeffer gives me some insight:

I discovered and am still discovering up to this very moment that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to believe. One must attempt to abandon every attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be a saint, a churchman (the priestly type, so called!) a righteous man or an unrighteous one, a sick man or a healthy one. This is what I mean by worldliness - taking life in one's stride, with all its duties and problems, its successes and failures, its experiences and helplessness. It is in such a life that we throw ourselves into the arms of God and participate in his sufferings in the world and watch with Christ in Gethsemane. That is faith,... that is what makes a man and a Christian... How can success make us arrogant or failure lead us astray, when we participate in the sufferings of God by living in this world?

Many days i wonder who i am, and i know there's only one answer: "Whoever i am, Lord, i am yours." i am yours, Jesus.

The Battle to Encourage

I'm reading a book right now called Overcoming Evil in the Last Days--it's by Rick Joyner and it's one of the best books I've ever read on spiritual warfare. The part I'm in write now is talking about manipulation, both in and outside of the church, and how we as Christians can fight it. In this section, he talks about David, how David was constantly surrendered to God and knew that if God would have him be the anointed King of Israel, He would establish David at the proper time. Here, Joyner makes a pretty profound statement that I have often overlooked in my spiritual walk. He says:

Great souls rise to even greater heights by lifting others
higher.

What a profound way to look at life and at encouraging those around us! Often, life can turn into a competition of who is the greatest, the most capable, or the most spiritual, and when it does, we truly miss the point. God has called each of us to a specific greatness, as each of us are children of the Most High. God has also promised to establish us in His power if we wait upon Him to do it and no longer rely on our own strength. David, for example, submitted himself to a ruler who fought to maintain his control of a kingdom that God said would eventually be taken from him. Even though Saul did everything in his power to maintain his sovereignty, David served this man in the assurance that David was doing the LORD's will and that if God would establish David, it would not be by his own strength. As such, David earnestly sought the LORD and God gave him an eternal kingdom and blessed all the nations of the world through Jesus Christ, the Son of God and a member of the House of David.

What this tells me: God is in the business of making His name great, and He is asking us to walk in His authority. The world screams at us to make a name for ourselves, that NUMBER ONE is priority one and that if we don't look out for ourselves, no one will. God's way, however, is profoundly different. Instead, Christ calls us to take up our crosses, lose our lives, and follow Him. We make Christ great by uplifting others, by encouraging them and eternally edifying them in Jesus Christ. It is how we make Christ famous.

It is also how we expand the territory of the Kingdom of God. By encouraging those who are used by the Enemy to discourage the Church, directly combat and refute the attacks of Satan. It's also how the Lost are turned to Christ, by seeing the love of Christ cast out all fear and the light of Christ dispel all darkness. What an awesome truth, to know that in overcoming evil with good, by encouraging those who seek our demise and blessing those who curse us, we are both expanding Christ's Kingdom and also growing in the authority of His Name! Proverbs 4:18 says

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter until the full light of day."

That is the life Christ is calling us to, and as a Christian hidden in Christ, redeemed by the blood of Jesus, expanding the Kingdom of God is our priority. That we would constantly live victoriously in Christ; we will move mountains.

"I'll be Found in You..."

When the world is falling out from under me,
I'll be found in You
still standing.
When the sky roles up and mountains
Fall on their knees--when time and space are
through,
I'll be found in You.

You make all things new.

Brooke Fraser music has been in my head pretty much since before I got to Italy, and only now is it really encouraging my soul. Today has been a day of battle against fear and worry, and it's been tough, but by God's grace I'm still standing in Christ. From time to time I get hit with feelings of worry and doubt about my future and today was one of those days. Worries over things like being single for the rest of my life usually hit every couple of months, and I've actually been at peace in this area almost constantly recently. Today, however, worry and doubt hit hard, and I've had to remember my foundation in Christ.

What a great thing to know we're found in Christ.

Psalm 91 reminds me that "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." There "no evil will touch you" because we are covered in the blood of Christ. What blessed assurance, to know that he who started the work will finish it and he's going to bring each of us safely to his side.

I'm trusing that he's all I need, and the victory is found in his name alone.

Vision

This weekend was a time to really get in the word, to meditate on Christ, to relax, and to listen. It's in that silence that you can hear God's voice, and I finally had the chance to listen.

I've been reading in I Chronicles and I finished it this weekend. For the final chapters of the book, David is doing pretty much everything he can to prepare for the building of the temple without actually doing it--amassing large amounts of gold, silver, and timber, and even giving the gold and silver of his personal treasury for the task. At the end of the book, David is giving Solomon pretty specific instructions on how to build the temple. What's interesting and heartbreaking is that Solomon builds the temple, but it is inferred that it is less of the size than David had expected it to be. Also, Solomon uses these resources to build a temple to himself as well, in the form of a royal palace.

What stood out to me were the final words David spoke to his son, when he tells Solomon, "Get to know the God of your ancestors. Worship him and serve him with your whole heart and with a willing mind. For the LORD sees every heart and understands and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. So take this seriously. The LORD has chosen you to build a Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work."

Solomon asked for the wisdom of God, and he recieved it in many ways, but he never took his father's advise; he never truly knew God as his father David knew him. By the end of his life, Solomon had taught his sons to follow false gods, Israel was in chaos, and the kingdom was divided because Solomon forgot the LORD. Jedediah, the beloved of God, wasted what he was given and destroyed a nation because he chose not to know the Lord.

In this life, our kingdoms will fall before the throne of God. We have a choice to serve him whole-heartedly and with all of who we are, or we can choose to forget him and live for ourselves. We can mask our activities, building our own palaces alongside of his temples, or we can let our kingdoms fall to him and watch the sovereign LORD build an eternal work in us. My prayer this weekend has been--and God willing will remain--to follow the Lord as David did, with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that all of who I am would be surrendered to him.

So clearly I see that choice before me: to live for myself, or to live for Christ. I can mask my activities by building my palaces alongside the temple of God, or I can seek first the Kingdom of God and let him take care of the rest. May my kingdoms fall to you, O God, that I may know you in your fullness and walk with you always! My heart was made for intimacy with you above all; lead me to you heart.

Life

Two weeks in and I am finally getting accustomed to life in northern Italy. The days are sort of falling into a routine, and there is plenty to do as far as the work is concerned. Still, it is less of a break-neck pace than college was this past year, and as such, I am enjoying the break.

Work consists of helping out in the bookstore and the publishing house where needed. Right now, as they are trying to get their entire inventory online, every morning is spent scanning in book covers on the computer. The scanning takes some time, and so I have been able to spend a lot of this time in prayer, an activity that I am daily seeing more and more of its necessity. Everything we do needs to be covered in prayer; thinking of some of those who I have met in the last week, those who I have had spiritual conversations with, and others reminds me that I need to be in constant prayer for their souls, that God would continue to show them the bankruptcy of life without Christ and that they would find the meaning of life in Christ alone. The job that I have this summer allows me to put in the time praying for these people, and I am really thankful for that.

As a single guy living alone in a foreign country, there is always the temptation to waste time in the evenings. For the first week or so, I really had no idea what to do with myself, and this allowed for a great deal of boredom. Now, more of my time is spent with friends or groups from the church; the free time that remains, however, is being put to better use as I am seeing the opportunity to study the word and Christian books. Right now I am reading A.W. Tozer and Rick Joyner (an interesting mix) and the books are teaching me a lot. Interestingly, each day I have opportunities to share what I learn through those books and my time in the word. I can see God using this time to develop the necessary discipline in me to really delve into teaching and scripture, and that I need to learn to study both more and more. It is really a good place to be, and I am thankful for it.

As I look at it, life is kind of quiet right now; there are not so many things to do, but I need to be faithful in the tasks that are before me. It's a good change from college life, and I really enjoy it. As quiet as it is, God is really moving: the young guys in the church are growing and I have plenty of opportunities to fellowship with the older members of the church. There is such a heritage of faithfulness in this church, and it's cool to be a part of. Seeing God continuing to draw people to himself is awesome as well, and being a part of it is both humbling and encouraging.

Also encouraging is the vision God is giving me for prayer on campus next year. I will be living in a special room on campus next year, where 6 guys share two bedrooms and a communal room the size of most lounges. As such, it is unique from most upperclassmen dorms at Grove City. Since I've got to Italy, God has been impressing on me to be a man of prayer, and I am seeing that the natural community that will be there next year needs to be channeled into the things of Christ. A daily devotional time led by each of the guys who would attend sounds like the best vehicle for this next year, and I am really getting excited about it. Pray that God begins to give a similar vision to the guys in Alumni dormitory next year and that we would follow through as the school year begins in August. God is good, and it is great to accept the victory he calls us to.

b

Arthur

This second weekend in Italy was busy and good. I've been able to make more contacts with the youth in the church and had plenty of opportunities to cultivate relationships with these guys over the last few days. Much to my suprise, these guys are asking the really deep questions about who God is, how they respond to him, how they can grow deeper into him, and how to take Christ to the world. It is a group of guys between 19 and 32 that are really growing, something that is really awesome to see and to be a part of.

The thing that sticks out to me most from the weekend, however, is the growing friendship God is giving me with a man who has been a missionary here in Italy for over 60 years. I met him for the first time last Sunday, and I had heard people mention his name during much of the week before that. When I met Art Wiens last Sunday, we quickly hit it off, and between other conversations we were both having we got to talk. At 90, this man exudes the presence of the Lord, and from when I first met him I sensed the peace of God in his presence. I am reading his biography right now, which describes missions in Northern Italy since World War II and the fundamental part he and his family played in that.

It is clear to me that God has brought me to this church for many reasons, and one of those is to learn from this man of God however I can. Pray that we would be an encouragement to each other and that in this time I would be in a position to recieve all that God has to give. I am learning a ton here, I just don't want to waste any of it. Life is abundant in the arms of Christ.

b

Fellowship.

Today has been pretty much non-stop fellowship, and it is exactly what I need to be doing.

I was invited by Michael to his home for lunch today (I apologize i didn't take any pictures: he's got three boys all under the age of 11 and they're awesome.) Michael is a German-born, Italian-raised manager of the publishing house where I work and is married to an Italian-born, German-raised woman (great family). I had lunch today with him, his wife, his three boys, and a German missionary who is staying with them for a few weeks. It was great to go back and forth between German and Italian and to see his family interact together. Michael is a guy truly seeking to honor Christ in all he does, including raising his family. The three boys remind me of my own family as they showed me their talents on various musical instruments and their favorite game on the computer (and like my family, they argued over whose turn it was--some things never change). To see Michael and his wife raising up a family to love and honor the Lord is encouraging in an area that seems to closed to submitting to the Lord; I left feeling refreshed and excited for the invitation to come back and play basketball with the boys (even though I am terrible at basketball--that should change).

I just finished up a conversation with Joseph, a guy from Ghana, in the bookstore. He's been living in Europe for the past 7 years, and he told me his story of how he has gotten to where he is now. Like almost every person I meet from Africa, he has been through extreme suffering (another place I wished I had a picture; he lossed all but two of his total of 10 toes to frostbite when his ship crossing the straits between Africa and Italy capsized. He was on the high seas for two weeks and then spent 7 months in a hospital to recover from exposure and to learn to walk again. As I listened, we talked about Christ, the Cross, overcoming and living for Him in a dark world in and in spite of suffering, and family structure. In contrast to Michael's family, Joseph grew up in Africa in a system where fathers see themselves as foreigners in the home, and "the home" is usually two to four homes, where the father makes this many families at a time. As such, Joseph told me that he recognized the importance of a man of God in the home, that it is essential to have a foundation of Christ there as much as anywhere else. His testimony humbled me and encouraged me at the same time. God is doing a mighty work in Joseph, and even as he struggles to serve Christ, God is blessing him. Pray for strength for him.

Tomorrow is a holiday in Italy, and I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. Pray that I use the day well and that they guys I work with get some much needed rest. Both Les and Michael have been working long hours and serving people until 12:30 or 1 every night, still getting up at 7am every morning. The holiday is much needed for these guys, so pray for their spiritual and physical encouragement.

All for now. We're going to go look at my bike and see if we can get the tire to stop wobbling. God is good all the time, there's so much to be thankful for.

b

I had an accident.

God is so good, and it is great to be working for the Lord here in Italy! Yesterday morning, I was riding my bicycle to work when a car pulled out and side-ended me. It smashed the front of my bike and I went over the handle bars, but I was totally ok. The bike's front, however, was busted pretty bad. Through the whole situation, though--from when the woman got out of the car to when I arrived at the bookstore to tell them what happened--God totally gave me peace. I was even joyful as the whole situation happened.

Earlier that morning, I was reading in Psalm 39, where David prays:

LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is
fleeing away.
My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire
lifetime is just a moment to you: human existence is but
A breath. selah

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends
in nothing.
We heap up wealth for someone else to spend.

This is a passage with profound meaning, and I think it is appropriate given the circumstances of the day. So often we walk through life assuming that our days will go as planned, that we will accomplish everything we set out to do, etc. I think many days, if not almost all days, all of us see the day as our own and in our own hands. I assume that my life will continue on and that I won't have to worry about it ending for about 60 years. Yesterday really convicted me of the fact that I must live each day in light of the fact that this world is only a breath, that my life is not my own, that I must live for Christ every day, prepared to see my Lord's face.

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you.

God, let that be always the case, that I trust in you at all times and put no confidence in any other name.

b

Spreadsheets and Proscutto Pizza

It's great to get to work! Today was my first day that I really got into what I'll be doing this summer. I'm working on a database which will allow the bookstore and publishing house here to function more efficiently. The two guys I am working with have such a heart for the people in a way that I have never really seen before. It is truly an honest genuine heart and it's super encouraging. This project has a ton of potential: the database, which will compile a list of the purchasers of the calendars, will begin a list of churches, individuals, and business contacts; this list has huge potential in uniting the churches in Italy, a church that is divided along many lines. Please pray that this database will be effective and open to many. I dont have much time, as I am leaving. Thanks for your prayers, and God bless!

Brian

Update in 5 minutes or less...

Ciao!

It has been a busy two days, but God is good. Time is limited, so I'd like to share one thing:

I've been hit constantly over the last few hours with God's grace and the fact that this grace and mercy is not based upon my own righteousness. I think of the passage but according to his mercy he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the Holy Spirit>. This grace is imparted to us, not because of our good works or our own deserving of it, but because of Christ's grace and mercy. What an awesome testament it is to the greatness of God, that he works in spite of our weaknesses and imperfections and chooses to still include us in his plans.

Please pray for me today as I meet with the youth (20-35 year olds) today for the first time. Pray that I will walk in confidence and selflessness and humility as I meet people who may need a lot of encouragement. Pray also that I will make friends even today. God's mercy is abundant, and his grace is enough.

b

I am here

After 23 hours of flying time, I have made it safetly to Italy, and by God's grace. Yesterday was a day to see God's provision, as each of my flights arrived late and each following flight departed late. I am amazed at how gracious God is.

I am renting a room from an Italian woman who does not know Jesus Christ. Last night, we were looking at her artwork (She is a modern artist) and I saw a lot of hurt and hopelessness. Each piece has the same representation of man (if you can visualize it, its like a steel bar cut on a diagonal, looking king of like a T and a face) and while each man is an individual, each one is lost as well. Even last night, we had some great talks, and I am thankful for the chance to be staying at her house and representing Christ.

Being back in Italy, I am reminded of the pervasive feeling of lostness and hopelessness inherent in Europe. Particularly in Italy, there is the sense of mistrust among many people I meet, that nothing is ever sound outside of the normal, that nothing is safe beyond familiar. I see this countered by the missionaries on this team. In their interactions with people, they carry a light that I have not seen among many missionaries in Italy. They bring a message of hope, whether it is at the cafè or the loading dock, and they shine the light of Christ wherever they go. I have so much to learn here, and I am excited to get going. Today has already started, and we've been moving boxes full of evangelical calendars around. It's a good day, and I'm thankful. Keep praying for hope and victory, that I would rest in Christ and that we would be a light to the people around us. Also, I am the youngest one on the team, but I am told there is a (youth) group, individuals between 20 and 35. Pray that I will make strong contacts there and that I will step out of my comfort zone and be a light. In Christ, we are more than conquerors; I'm holding to that.

b

24 hours and counting...

5 days goes by incredibly fast.

These last five days have been a whirlwind of activity, and it's crazy to think that I'll be (God willing) on a plane in 24 hours leaving the country. Everything has come--and is coming--together in a matter of hours. From the final parts of my finances for the trip, to the preparation of my heart, God has provided everything I need right on time. I know he will continue to provide as the summer continues.

There is a real excitement in my heart that I haven't felt for a while, and it's a passion for the people of Europe. Every time I head back to this continent, I'm reminded of the fact that God has me there for a reason, and it's to share the reality of Christ with continent that denies his existence. It gets me excited every time I think about it, and even now, it's clear to me that I'm right where I need to be. I think about how just 4 months ago I was set on going to India, that I wouldn't have it any other way, and that God totally changed my plans in a matter of weeks. It's humbling and awesome to think that God directs the paths of men's hearts, that He is the one who will lead me right to where He wants me, and that He will continue to provide the entire way. I'm profoundly amazed.

I'm also amazed at what God is doing here at home. I left Italy last time with an awakened awareness of the reality of the Holy Spirit; I'm returning with a renewed awareness of this. At church this Sunday, I saw the largest outcry for the reality of Christ I think I've ever seen in the United States, as I saw 40 people in a church of less than 200 come forward to recieve the Holy Spirit; the week before, 80 people had come forward and the results were huge; a quiet hungering, longing for more of Jesus Christ is evident in this church. There wasn't any "glory cloud;" there wasn't fire above people's heads; but there is a body of believers who are collectively seeking and longing for the fullness of Christ, and the power of Jesus Christ in this will move mountains.

To think this is happening in an area of the country where so many are held down by brokenness, oppression, and bitterness gets me excited. God is raising up a people who no longer look to themselves for their strength, but instead look to Him for all of who He is, and there they will find healing. Man, I'm stoked.

I leave for Italy tomorrow thankful and expectant. There seems to be so much more purpose in this trip as opposed to two years ago. I think about what God did then and I can only begin to imagine what is in store now. Please pray that I do not waste a moment. Pray for opportunities to listen, share, lead, and serve. God is so good.

b

___

redemption skies on the horizon and a consistent blog posting streak beginning TODAY!

With two finals down, REDEMPTIONSKIES on the way within the week, and leaving for Italy within two weeks, I'm feeling excited and at peace.

I had a conversation with Tim today about the massive amount of stuff that has had to get done in the last two months, and how God has totally provided for all of it. Now I'm seeing an end to the craziness and I'm ok with that. There's a peace in the arms of God no matter what circumstance you're in, and that's something you can trust on. I got in the Word yesterday night after a day without it, and it was good...

Yesterday I started the day without my QT, which was a bad idea in the truest sense of the words. It's amazing how you can think you're doing alright, get disconnected from the source, and that's right when the Enemy strikes. That was exactly what happened yesterday. Around noon, I started to get hit with accusation, doubt, dismay, and at times even paranoia. It was really weird, and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. It got so intense that I actually started to believe some of the lies and--thanks to the time NOT in the word--I had little to say against it.

This kept on until yesterday evening, when God rescued me with His love. I hadn't been in the Word yet, but I just put down my work and started to tell God how much I love Him. It was a really intimate time (and it was funny becuase I was sitting in a computer lab with people working intensely all around me). It was encountering the LORD and Him administering his peace to me. When I got back to the room, I got on my knees and it was like a wave of petition came from my mouth. I don't know if you've ever experienced that, where God's presence just floods you and all you can do is to cry out to Him. That's exactly what happened last night, and I was probably the most honest I've been before God in a while. I left that time knowing that there was more to the events of that day than just met the eye and that I had everything I needed to win in the power of Jesus Christ. Thanks, God.

In these final days here at Grove City and in the States before I leave for the summer, my prayer is that I would take time like Daniel did and seek the LORD. The summer will undoubtedly hold its own challenges and joys, but right now, my prayer is to find God in His sanctuary and rejoice in Him. Please pray that I am drawn into His presence in these next days and that I use the lull in finals week well. Also, pray for the guys on my hall, that Tim and I would not quit but that we would continue to serve and love them to the very end. It's been a good day, and God's grace is sufficient. God's way is always best.

When tornadoes never come and you still have to do schoolwork

Amidst a week of massive amounts of work, I'm beginning to think about the summer more and more. This blog has definitely helped with that, as I'm trying to gather my thoughts and think about this day...

After a late night last night, I woke up late for chapel, and I was strangely at peace about it. Instead of running around the room like a crazy man, I just got dressed and went over--for me, totally out of character. There is a ton of stuff going on right now, and for some reason, I'm not flipping out about it. What's even crazier is that all of the work is getting done. A laid back attitude and being on top of everything usually don't go hand and hand in my life, but right now they are. I hope it's a change that stays.

I had an awesome conversation and a reminder today about God's provision. A friend at school has recently felt God leading her to go to Malawi, Africa for the summer--and when I say recently I mean in the last 4 days. In that time since she's said yes to Christ in going to Africa, she has seen God raise more than half of her support! It really blew me away, thinking about how much I doubt God and how little I trust that he will provide. Daily we go through life asking God for answers to tests or other menial things; little do we realize that we serve an enormous God, mighty in power, faithful to save. He will provide for our every need if we would only put our trust in Him.

I'm learning to trust. Little by little, I'm realizing I don't have control over my life, especially when I've given my life to Christ. I don't have all the answers, I don't know what the future holds, and I definitely don't know where I'll be in five years--and little by little, I'm getting ok with that. It's nice to know I'm in good hands; in all cases, I only see good things when Christ is leading. A lot's going through my mind even right now, but there's clarity in it: "Ask and you will recieve; seek and you'll find; knock and the door will be opened." Lord, I'm asking to see your face, I'm seeking to find you. Show me your face, and the rest will fall into place.

Day 2...

Here begins a second entry on the mission trip that begins in 3 weeks...

This entry is mainly to begin to discipline myself to daily enter a post on this site--both to let people know what is going on and to have a record of the great things God is going to do in these next few months. It hit me today that I will be on a plane headed for England in less than 3 weeks, and I was reminded that I am utterly inadequate in myself to accomplish this task. There is a great deal yet to prepare, and God is making it clear that I seek his face to adequately prepare for this.

All things considered, though, I'm pretty excited.

It's an amazing thing to know you're in the will of God; I've felt like this year has been a year to figure out where and what that will looks like in my life, what it doesn't look like, and what it means to wait. I keep thinking about the verse where Paul writes "I have lost all things, so that I may become everything for which Christ took hold of me." I think it's in Philippians. It's been a year of loss, looking back. Not the physical loss of family members or of friends, but of my desire for control, of my trust in myself, of my stubbornness in demanding my own way--and I think some of these are still in the losing process. Basically, what I've realized is that I'm not who I was a year ago, life is better, it's not because of anything I've done, and it's because of everything Christ has done in my life.

What's nice is after a year of dwelling in/learning that, I feel like I'm moving. My concern, though, is that I don't leave this place of rest in my comings and goings. Instead, God, my prayer is that you would draw me deeper into those quiet waters, lead me to those quiet places more often, and fix my eyes upon you. The world screams to MOVE and GET GOING, but your voice whispers to me to REST. Teach me to, even as the world spins wildly and the future remains uncertain.

I guess I missed a day, it's 1:34. I'll write another entry later.

Welcome!

Hey everybody,

Welcome to my blog for the summer! This blog is designed to give you updates of my summer activities, including (1) the time I'll be serving in Italy and Spain and (2) progress on Redemption Skies, the album I've been working on that will hopefully be finished by June 1st. Thank you for your willingness to stand along-side of me in prayer, your expression of interest in missions and my life, and your constant encouragement. I hope this blog will encourage you as you pray for God's will to be done in and through me this summer. I will do my best to keep this as updated as possible (providing pictures as well, of course), and feel free to write if you have any questions, comments.

Thanks again!

B