I want to be like Moses.

i'm making plans to waste my life on you.
i'm making plans to waste my life on you.
'cause new york city and hollywood combined
they don't got enough lights to make me change
my mind about you.
- John Mark McMillan

I was reading one of A.W. Tozer's short books last night, and in the middle of it, I was hit with two pages that he wrote. In those two pages, Tozer looked at great men of the faith and the commonalities (or lack thereof) between them. In this short glance, it was clear that almost each of them were as different as any person you may run into on the street. Tozer then asks the questions: what made them, then, great men of God?

The answer is that each one of these hungered and thirsted for the presence of the Lord, and they did something about it. Each one was open to recieving the Lord in His fullness, and they wanted only more of Christ, all of Him. Each one lived with the manifestation of the Almighty God in their lives to the fullest. Moses sought the presence of the Lord and he found it, to the point that his skin was physically changed by the presence of the Almighty. He was so close to the Lord that his very being was altered.

So often we stand outside of the holiest of holies, refusing to enter out of laziness, fear, or other things. How many of us take God at His offer of drawing near to Him, and He will draw near to us? What would that truly look like? Do we stop when we begin to change? Do we not press on into Him?

I will press on into the Lord. D.L. Moody once wrote "The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him. I will try my utmost to be that man." I'm going to try too.

i'm back

After a one day adventure to the coast--followed by a three day adventure to Florence and Rome after three days of work--i am back at work. the time off was really well spent and was super encouraging; i saw people living out their faith with a boldness and a wisdom that really refreshed me and challenged me to do it better. i got back on sunday night--exhausted--and started work on monday morning. as far as work goes, i am really getting into the heat of it, and i love what i am doing as i am helping to reorganize and restructure three small businesses. the work is great, the people are encouraging, and a lot is getting accomplished. the break allowed for some time to refocus and to be re-encouraged. i loved it.

i learned a lot through this past week, and one of the bigger areas centered around direction for my life. in this past month i have not touched a musical instrument more than once, and i have felt the space missing in my life from not having personal time in music and musical worship. along with this, i have realized that while i love what i am doing here, i am much more motivated in a lifestyle that is more cyclical, with times of preparation, times of prayer and intercession, times of setting up, and times of doing, seeing the fruits of my labor. taking a few steps back and looking at these lessons, i have quickly realized that this is a lifestyle more conducive with a music ministry or event planning of some sort. i don't know how this will all work together, but i am trusting God that He has revealed this to me and i can trust Him to provide. it's an amazing life, one of uncertainty in one's own vision and complete assurance in God's plan. whatever God is doing, i know it will be the best way.

i'm learning to live here in Italy and to live for Christ. the other day i went into a pizzeria which is located on my way home. the shop is run by a lady named Anna, who i had a chance to meet a few weeks ago with another friend when we stopped by. Anna recieved a calendar each year when Arthur still went on his rounds around Italy (i continually am amazed at the scope of his ministry). her husband is a cruel man and i think still beats her, even after thirty years of marriage. she was prohibited from going to church by him as long as the ministry here has been in contact with her. in spite of all this, God uses her and has provided for her every need: she's kind of like a second mom to a lot of the young guys who stop in to her shop for some of the best pizza in the city, many of the guys greeting her by her first name as she greets them by name every time. there's a joy and a grace in her presence that come from a life of prayer and relying on the Lord's strength, and it's obvious that even her husband can't touch her now.

i'm thinking about a verse, i think it's in Isaiah, where the WORD says "those who make the Lord their refuge are like tries planted along a river bank; even in the dryest times they produce fruit." i can't think of a dryer and more adverse time than this woman has experienced, as for years she has relied on the Lord to be her refuge and in this she has remained strong. the fruit of her ministry is clear in the love she shows all who come into her store. Christ is her strength.

i want to rely on that same strength more and more. the last two days i have read in 1 Corinthians 10 and James 2 and i've been really encouraged to stand firm and resist temptation. it's so easy to get discouraged when you feel you are alone or isolated, but God is giving me the strength and the power to stand firm in Him. we wait patiently for the Lord's salvation and deliverence, not so that we are healed for just this moment, but so that we are eternally restored and delivered in Jesus Christ. it's in eternal tranformation that we can begin to walk in the high calling God has placed on our lives; it's here that we walk in the ministry He created us for. i guess that's where i'm at, seeking the Lord and asking for the truest and purest freedom, to walk in His strength, power, freedom, and Spirit, and be in a position to here His voice and be a "doer of the WORD." laying down my burdens, taking on this cross, and following Him: that's where victory begins. i want to walk in its entirety, in knowing Christ in His fullness. by His grace, He's showing me how.

brian

break week

This week is turning out to be sort of a break for me. i've worked for three days this week, but tomorrow i am headed to Florence and then on to Rome for some sightseeing. Pray that things go well, that the break would be restful and used well, and that stuff wouldn't get misplaced or stolen during traveling. It's good to be in the arms of God.

Christian or American?

Yesterday i had the awesome opportunity to head to Cincue Terre, or the five lands, probably the most beautiful place i've ever been. It was a great day to spend with a Christian fellowship group from England as they are spending the week touring Italy. The encouragement i recieved from this group was amazing, as i didn't know before we went that they were Christians. It was only after the day was most of the way finished that i realized that each one had a passionate and very authentic faith with Jesus Christ, and that was what had brought them together. So good.

Anyway, as we headed home on a two hour train ride, i had the chance to meet an Italian lady on her way to Parma, where we were also headed before Modena. We started talking and she seemed very sociable; however, at some point in time she found out i was an American. There began an hour-long and generally incoreherent rant about George Bush, the Iraq war and how it was fought in an attempt by American to establish a new imperialism (and to secure petrolium rites) and how GB senior was good friends with Osama bin Laden--that one i actually laughed at, something i probably shouldn't have done as it made her pretty angry. What does a Christian do in a situation like that? How does one choose between representing your country and representing Christ?

That was the question i was faced with yesterday, and i am still trying to find a sufficent answer. What i do know is that we are citizens of heaven, first and foremost, and our representation must first and foremost be of that. It is easy to let emotions run wild and political sentiments dictate responses. But is that why i am here? Have i not been called to a higher purpose?

In the end, i saw it was hopeless to try to reason with this lady, as she was unwilling to even to listen to an explanation. Instead, i listened to what she had to say, waited until she was done, and then politely excused myself from conversation with her. i don't know; i hope that's what Christ would've done.

Europe is an area so hot right now politically, socially, and spiritually. Each day holds new opportunities, but almost every one of them require a denial of self, even the closest of personal ideals. Dietrich Bonhoeffer gives me some insight:

I discovered and am still discovering up to this very moment that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to believe. One must attempt to abandon every attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be a saint, a churchman (the priestly type, so called!) a righteous man or an unrighteous one, a sick man or a healthy one. This is what I mean by worldliness - taking life in one's stride, with all its duties and problems, its successes and failures, its experiences and helplessness. It is in such a life that we throw ourselves into the arms of God and participate in his sufferings in the world and watch with Christ in Gethsemane. That is faith,... that is what makes a man and a Christian... How can success make us arrogant or failure lead us astray, when we participate in the sufferings of God by living in this world?

Many days i wonder who i am, and i know there's only one answer: "Whoever i am, Lord, i am yours." i am yours, Jesus.

The Battle to Encourage

I'm reading a book right now called Overcoming Evil in the Last Days--it's by Rick Joyner and it's one of the best books I've ever read on spiritual warfare. The part I'm in write now is talking about manipulation, both in and outside of the church, and how we as Christians can fight it. In this section, he talks about David, how David was constantly surrendered to God and knew that if God would have him be the anointed King of Israel, He would establish David at the proper time. Here, Joyner makes a pretty profound statement that I have often overlooked in my spiritual walk. He says:

Great souls rise to even greater heights by lifting others
higher.

What a profound way to look at life and at encouraging those around us! Often, life can turn into a competition of who is the greatest, the most capable, or the most spiritual, and when it does, we truly miss the point. God has called each of us to a specific greatness, as each of us are children of the Most High. God has also promised to establish us in His power if we wait upon Him to do it and no longer rely on our own strength. David, for example, submitted himself to a ruler who fought to maintain his control of a kingdom that God said would eventually be taken from him. Even though Saul did everything in his power to maintain his sovereignty, David served this man in the assurance that David was doing the LORD's will and that if God would establish David, it would not be by his own strength. As such, David earnestly sought the LORD and God gave him an eternal kingdom and blessed all the nations of the world through Jesus Christ, the Son of God and a member of the House of David.

What this tells me: God is in the business of making His name great, and He is asking us to walk in His authority. The world screams at us to make a name for ourselves, that NUMBER ONE is priority one and that if we don't look out for ourselves, no one will. God's way, however, is profoundly different. Instead, Christ calls us to take up our crosses, lose our lives, and follow Him. We make Christ great by uplifting others, by encouraging them and eternally edifying them in Jesus Christ. It is how we make Christ famous.

It is also how we expand the territory of the Kingdom of God. By encouraging those who are used by the Enemy to discourage the Church, directly combat and refute the attacks of Satan. It's also how the Lost are turned to Christ, by seeing the love of Christ cast out all fear and the light of Christ dispel all darkness. What an awesome truth, to know that in overcoming evil with good, by encouraging those who seek our demise and blessing those who curse us, we are both expanding Christ's Kingdom and also growing in the authority of His Name! Proverbs 4:18 says

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter until the full light of day."

That is the life Christ is calling us to, and as a Christian hidden in Christ, redeemed by the blood of Jesus, expanding the Kingdom of God is our priority. That we would constantly live victoriously in Christ; we will move mountains.

"I'll be Found in You..."

When the world is falling out from under me,
I'll be found in You
still standing.
When the sky roles up and mountains
Fall on their knees--when time and space are
through,
I'll be found in You.

You make all things new.

Brooke Fraser music has been in my head pretty much since before I got to Italy, and only now is it really encouraging my soul. Today has been a day of battle against fear and worry, and it's been tough, but by God's grace I'm still standing in Christ. From time to time I get hit with feelings of worry and doubt about my future and today was one of those days. Worries over things like being single for the rest of my life usually hit every couple of months, and I've actually been at peace in this area almost constantly recently. Today, however, worry and doubt hit hard, and I've had to remember my foundation in Christ.

What a great thing to know we're found in Christ.

Psalm 91 reminds me that "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." There "no evil will touch you" because we are covered in the blood of Christ. What blessed assurance, to know that he who started the work will finish it and he's going to bring each of us safely to his side.

I'm trusing that he's all I need, and the victory is found in his name alone.

Vision

This weekend was a time to really get in the word, to meditate on Christ, to relax, and to listen. It's in that silence that you can hear God's voice, and I finally had the chance to listen.

I've been reading in I Chronicles and I finished it this weekend. For the final chapters of the book, David is doing pretty much everything he can to prepare for the building of the temple without actually doing it--amassing large amounts of gold, silver, and timber, and even giving the gold and silver of his personal treasury for the task. At the end of the book, David is giving Solomon pretty specific instructions on how to build the temple. What's interesting and heartbreaking is that Solomon builds the temple, but it is inferred that it is less of the size than David had expected it to be. Also, Solomon uses these resources to build a temple to himself as well, in the form of a royal palace.

What stood out to me were the final words David spoke to his son, when he tells Solomon, "Get to know the God of your ancestors. Worship him and serve him with your whole heart and with a willing mind. For the LORD sees every heart and understands and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. So take this seriously. The LORD has chosen you to build a Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work."

Solomon asked for the wisdom of God, and he recieved it in many ways, but he never took his father's advise; he never truly knew God as his father David knew him. By the end of his life, Solomon had taught his sons to follow false gods, Israel was in chaos, and the kingdom was divided because Solomon forgot the LORD. Jedediah, the beloved of God, wasted what he was given and destroyed a nation because he chose not to know the Lord.

In this life, our kingdoms will fall before the throne of God. We have a choice to serve him whole-heartedly and with all of who we are, or we can choose to forget him and live for ourselves. We can mask our activities, building our own palaces alongside of his temples, or we can let our kingdoms fall to him and watch the sovereign LORD build an eternal work in us. My prayer this weekend has been--and God willing will remain--to follow the Lord as David did, with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that all of who I am would be surrendered to him.

So clearly I see that choice before me: to live for myself, or to live for Christ. I can mask my activities by building my palaces alongside the temple of God, or I can seek first the Kingdom of God and let him take care of the rest. May my kingdoms fall to you, O God, that I may know you in your fullness and walk with you always! My heart was made for intimacy with you above all; lead me to you heart.